Today marks the first day of the 20’s – a new decade. This is the time of year that I tend to spend on reflections.
I noticed today that I have been absent from this, my personal blog, for 18 months. There was no reflection for 2018.
I have kept up with Dragon Sisters business posts but have not had the energy to write on the personal level.
The past 18 months have not been easy with a very bumpy start to 2019 with my adult son coming very close to having to be hospitalised as his mental health was pretty much out of control.
When Molly, our dog, died suddenly – aggressive cancer – he began to seriously unravel. The brunt of Christmas 2018 was a little too much. By early January he was in a downward spiral.
He had never been physically violent. But January 2019 saw a swing with his moods, the frustrations and the chemical imbalances in his brain just snapped.
He became someone we did not recognise.
They say that the eyes are the mirror to the soul, and he has always had the most beautiful eyes. They would twinkle with mischief as a child, and with good humour as an adult.
For the early part of 2019, those eyes were dulled, it was not my beautiful boy who was looking out. He was trapped somewhere dark and dangerous.
There were times there when I was physically afraid of him. I would sleep with my bedroom door locked – something I have never ever done in my life!
The pent up rage saw him lash out physically punch a hole in the wall. I knew it was not really him but the demons that raged inside his mind.
When he saw the hole he has made in the wall it shook him to the core.
His very close relationship with his sister – 9 years his junior – meant that she has had a pivotal role to play in helping to get him to accept treatment. She handles him beautifully and has the knack of knowing how to best communicate with him.
Thanks to wonderful psychiatrists and psychologists this has been brought under control with medication adjusted, we are on a more even path now.
It is such a relief!
Each day I have been reminded that the decision to move from Darwin to Bribie Island was the right one even if it has meant a huge overhaul to business and substantial loss of income.
The bond between Wayne and Dad has always been extremely strong and special, so having his Grandad close by has been a good thing for both of them.
The troubled young man and the Grandad with Alzheimers take comfort in being near each other and thoroughly enjoy their weekly games of mahjong. It works wonders for them both.
Mum – Although Mum has had health issues she is back on track now, driving and gardening like her old self. She’s delighted to have all her family in the one place now as my brother Robert made the move to Bribie in Nov 2019.
It’s been good that I have been close by and able to go with her to hospital appointments, sit on a hard chair all night at Caboolture Hospital when she has had a turn and generally just be here.
Sasha – has had success in achieving her ambition to become a published author with e-books and hard copies, as well as being asked to write forwards for a series of Zodiac anthologies. You can read more about her writing journey on her own blog.
She also freelancers for the local newspaper and takes on small writing commissions although her primary love remains fiction writing.
I am blessed to have a wonderful daughter who is happy to live with us here on Bribie and has been able to rise to the very difficult challenges we have faced as a family.
Family is everything to us and I am so blessed to have a wonderful one that has remains very close despite all the years of having to live across the globe from each other. We have always been there for each other.
2020 sees us all united and living in the same place together for the first time since I was probably about 12 years old!
Life is good for me despite the challenges the last few years have thrown up. I have food on my table, live in a beautiful location and am surrounded by precious family.
I am also blessed to have some truly fabulous friends who have been there for me in my hours of deepest need. You know who you are – thank you!
2020 is a new decade, and one of the commitments I have made to myself is to be present more here on my personal blog.
If you are still hanging about after my 18 months of silence – thank you! I would love to know what you have been up to too so if you’d like to share in the comments and update me that would be wonderful!
Ciao for now 🙂
2 thoughts on “Reflections 2019”
Dear Michelle, Thank you for being so open about your son. Your loyalty and personal inner strength deserves the most respect. Looking forward to your blogs. Love and Hugs, TK
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks for your kind words TK – you too have enormous personal inner strength. xxx